Spring Has Finally Sprung

It’s about fucking time too.

The weather has been perfect around here the past couple of days, mid seventies, sunny, very little wind.

I have a to do list a mile long that I need to start chipping away at.


I had to go buy a new lawn mower the other day because the lawn finally dried out enough you wouldn’t sink up to your ankles.

The old one was a gimme from my buddy off Craigslist and looked almost new, all I had to do was get a cable for the kill function to make it run.

It worked fine for a long time but started having carburetor problems that got progressively worse to the point ya had to hold the little primer bulb in for it to stay running. I replaced it once and that cured it, so I replaced it again but no dice this time.


If there is one thing I despise, it is working on a fucking Tecumseh lawn mower engine. I have hated those miserable motherfuckers since my small engine class in High school and refuse to spend much time fucking with one. They are garbage.

Briggs and Stratton guy all the way.


So I get on the internet and do some price comparisons and availability in my area.

Wally World has some inexpensive mowers but they are all Murray brands.


Murray is OK if that’s what ya have but they are kind of cheap and don’t seem to last very long.

I finally  broke down and checked out Sears.

They had a rear bagger on sale for $195 and are close by.


So I buzz on over and start looking around. Of course I can’t find it on sale there.

Two chicks walked up and asked me if I needed help and kind of startled me, I had seen them and thought they were customers.

I tell the older lady about the sale price and here we fucking go…..

To start with, she is a middle aged blonde who doesn’t know Jack Shit about lawn mowers.

She also doesn’t know Jack Shit about the sale prices, because they are internet website specials.


So she gets on the internet and I guide her to the one I am talking about.

She walks me by about twenty fucking lawnmowers, weed whackers and roto tillers and there it is.

The sale price is a whopping five fucking dollars difference.

The deal is, I can’t just hand them my debit card and walk out with the fucker. Oh, Hell No, that is just too fucking easy!


One does not

No, she has to do it over the internet to get that price.

So we start in with my Email address and yadda fucking yadda yadda.
Ten minutes later, no thanks, I don’t want the fifty fucking dollar extra special warranty. I just want to get the mower and go home now.

Now she want’s my address. OK, THEN, she tells me that because it is a web transaction that it is going to want to have it delivered but she will take care of that and I just need to drive around the corner to Will Call and grab it.
I get around there and that turns into another clusterfuck.
Ya gotta scan your receipt to have the guy get your shit but it won’t scan mine. Another guy walks in, scans his and immediately gets bumped in front of me.
Now I am getting seriously irritated.
All I wanted to do was go buy a mother fucking lawn mower and get out!
Finally the kid gets to me. He goes in back for five minutes and comes back with my mower, in a box.
I knew that was coming. Knew it.

He then explains to me because Blondie up front did it like it was a delivery the computer didn’t recognize my receipt.
Do you see what is coming yet?
I did.

So we load the fucker up, I go home and unload the heavy fucker by myself and then spend a half an hour putting the cocksucker together.
I will give them credit, it was simple enough, they provided the oil and the damn thing started on the first pull.

Two days later the truck shows up.
Bigger than shit, they tried to ship me another mower.



2 thoughts on “Spring Has Finally Sprung

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