Step A Little Closer, I Don’t Want To Miss

Of all the fucking problems people face every damn day, I can totally see why some people are so wound up that their fucking Subway sandwich doesn’t pencil out to three decimal points past twelve fucking inches.

Really? OOOOOOOOhhhh, you are getting ripped off, by a whole inch!
This is earth shattering, I may never eat another fucking sandwich again!
Oh, the trauma! The drama! I blame Obama! (just because it rhymed)

la-fi-mo-subway-footlong-size-20130118-001

You, yeah you with the fucking tape measure,c’mere, you stupid sonofabitch. I want to slap the taste out of your mouth.
Then I want to explain to you that you are an ignorant motherfucker who is wasting my oxygen by breathing.
If this is the only thing currently wrong enough in your life that you feel the need to stoke faux outrage among other, equally stupid sonsabitches as yourself, GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC!

Oh,my god, it just flashed by on the television news blurb.

I see my arm is going to get tired.

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7 thoughts on “Step A Little Closer, I Don’t Want To Miss

  1. ever asked the dumb question “how long is their foot measurement?”

    and who knows, they might be refering to the lenght of their own foot

  2. I don’t care about the length, it’s the fact that you have to get double meat to make an actual sub. Three layers of paper thin cold cuts does not a sandwich make…

  3. It does seem silly, but being short-changed in so many ways by small and large business and government, not to mention people you know, just gives me a bad taste in my mouth. This one bun is probably not anomaly in the Subway world.

    So, is this false advertising or just a mistake. Who gets ripped off? You know Subway is NOT going to make a 13 ” bun.

    If you received more bun, Subway might have to put more meat in to fill it out to the end or nearer to the end. Accepting this short bun repeatedly just makes us all nearer to settling for mediocrity. Or, are we there?

  4. Ever since the Assize of Bread and Ale we have sold bread in units of weight, in order that people will not be shortchanged. Even from the same dough batch, breads baked at different times will have different sizes, because the rising is based upon biological properties of yeast.
    And in a subway sandwich, the meats are prepackaged, so a shorter roll will not get you any less meat than a longer one, nor will it get you any less cheese. The veggies are added more at the whim of the preparer, but one can always ask for more.
    Yet, when I saw this photo, my first thought was “why would someone chop half an inch of each half of a subway sandwich, and then post a picture with a tape measure? Isn’t it obvious that the two cut ends of roll do not match?

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