Of all the fucking problems people face every damn day, I can totally see why some people are so wound up that their fucking Subway sandwich doesn’t pencil out to three decimal points past twelve fucking inches.
Really? OOOOOOOOhhhh, you are getting ripped off, by a whole inch!
This is earth shattering, I may never eat another fucking sandwich again!
Oh, the trauma! The drama! I blame Obama! (just because it rhymed)
You, yeah you with the fucking tape measure,c’mere, you stupid sonofabitch. I want to slap the taste out of your mouth.
Then I want to explain to you that you are an ignorant motherfucker who is wasting my oxygen by breathing.
If this is the only thing currently wrong enough in your life that you feel the need to stoke faux outrage among other, equally stupid sonsabitches as yourself, GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC!
Oh,my god, it just flashed by on the television news blurb.
I see my arm is going to get tired.