Cheap Entertainment

Fuckin’ varmints.

 I had this cat named Shithead once, my most loyal and loving little darlin’ kitty

I just loved that cat. She was a brown long haired Tabby with a mane that would make a full grown lion cry in shame and yellow/gold eyes.

She liked to play fetch and followed me around like a dog.

I also had a crippled pigeon imprint on me when I had her and those two used to go at it until I thought I was gonna die laughing. The poor pigeon had fallen out of a palm tree and broke it’s leg and it had healed all fucked up, kinda sideways. He had a hell of a time walking but didn’t let it stop him.

That fucking pigeon, I named him Walter, would fly around and land on my head or shoulder all the time like a fucking parrot. He used to sit outside the door and raise hell, cooing, until I let him in. He would  fly up and land on the hood of my car when I was pulling out the driveway and stick his wings out  like he was flying and ride all the way to the end of the street. Quite the hood ornament.

Those two got into it one day in the house and it was hysterical. The fucking pigeon had the cat backed into a corner sitting on it’s haunches, she was throwing jabs like a boxer and the pigeon would weave and bob it’s head and whack the cat with it’s wings a couple of times and then reach in and pull a big beak full of hair right out of the cats belly.

The cat would go berzerk and throw about twenty punches and try to get down so it could get out of the fucking corner but the bird would spread it’s wings and whack the cat a couple of times, keeping it up on it’s ass and in the corner and then go for the belly fur again. There was fur and feathers just a flying and the cat was hissing and spitting and the bird was making these weird pissed off noises,. they went like that a good five minutes.

I tell ya, Fucking. Hysterical. Shit.

The cat finally had enough of getting it’s ass kicked and literally leaped straight up and over the birds head and high tailed it out the front door at warp speed.

You want to talk about a puffed up bird, that little motherfucker thought he was the shit after that and went out of his way to torture that fucking cat.

The little bastard would sit on the hand rail upstairs and wait for the cat to come sauntering down the driveway and then swoop down behind the sonofabitch and flare out at the last second in a classic dive bomb maneuver and just scare the shit out of that cat.

He used to dive bomb my land lord too. Nobody else, just him and the cat.

That fucker was smart I’m tellin’ ya.

You can’t buy that kind of entertainment and I got it all for some Friskies and bird food.

Cheap at twice the price.


10 thoughts on “Cheap Entertainment

  1. The cat that hangs around my place, Charlie as the wife and kids call him, Charles Manson I call him (the bird murderer), gets his ass kicked by Rocky the squirrel who lives in our palm tree. Funniest shit I ever seen, that squirrel will taunt the hell out of Manson. Then he darts up the tree at the last second, just out of Manson’s reach, hangs upside down, and commences to chew that cat’s ass out. I laugh my ass off because Manson gets so pissed off at that squirrel, he’ll growl and hiss and jump at him. But Rocky just chatters away, and as soon as Manson sulks away, Rocky is right back on the ground again. Happens almost every day!

  2. Got a story that, had I a video of, I’d be the viral YouTube champ of all time.
    I was sitting on the porch watching our cat, Frey, playing around the wood pile. I noticed he had caught a mouse and was playing with it. He’d drop it, chase it, then pick it up in his mouth and walk for a bit. Classic cat cruelty. I yelled at the cat to either eat or let it go. He just glanced at me, then set the mouse down about 8 ft from the wood. He walked about 4 ft away, turned and sat staring at the mouse, daring him to try for the wood pile. The poor mouse was frozen in fear
    I was about to toss a tennis ball at the cat when a little sparrow flew into the picture. The bird landed just a couple of feet from the mouse on the other side of the cat. Frey perked up and started doing that cat twitch. I guess he thought he could get the little bird too. Well, this bird stood there on the ground looking at the poor mouse then the cat. Frey was on fire. Suddenly, the bird lifts up and flies directly at the cat just a foot off the ground… a beeline to his face. At the last second, he shifts into overdrive and goes vertical. Frey is stunned but leaps up to get the bird anyway. Too late, too slow, too bad. In the meantime, the mouse had taken the opportunity to dash to the safety of the wood.
    I laughed my ass off at that stupid cat and was amazed at what this little bird did for that mouse. Should have seen the look on that cat’s face when all was said and done.

  3. fortunately, the snake was dead. Cats are natural predators of snakes. They make the snake strike a few times. It wears the reptile out. Then the cat kills the snake. I have neighbors whose cat brings home dead ones, BIG dead ones on a weekly basis. scary.

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