I Hate It When That Happens


This is just fucking typical .

I started to come home from work last night and the guy I give a ride to noticed I had a headlight out as he was walking up to get in the car.


Just where in the hell do ya find a fucking headlight at eleven o’clock at night?

So we start home and I am thinking and thinking as I am going down the freeway because I really don’t need the fucking hassle of getting pulled over for that trivial shit.

I have to go through a bad neighborhood on the last leg getting home and there are usually two or three cops skulking around that time of night.



Sure as shit, that’s what flashed into my brain and it was only a little bit out of the way.

So I tells him I am going to replace the damn thing and he is cool with it.

I whip into the parking lot and holy shit there are a lot of people of Wallmart out at this time of night!


The place is as big as a fucking stadium and of course the automotive section is clear in the far corner of the store with it’s own zip code.

I find a headlight and then remembered I have jack shit for tools in the Rat Mobile so I snag one of those four in one flip screw drivers and head to the register.

As we are trekking back to the current time zone, I joked to my buddy, you watch, I’ll get out there and that fucker will have Torx bit screws holding the fucking headlight in.


Get to the register, pay the lady and head for the parking lot.

I popped the hood so I could see better and as I am fumble fucking around trying to get the screwdriver out of it’s blister pack (I hate those fucking things) he says,” you are going to hate yourself”.

I didn’t really hear him because I was struggling and cursing to myself so he said it again.

I said, what are you talk….oh you’re fucking kidding me.

Sure as shit.

Fucking Torx bit screws.

God dammit.

Back to the fucking store, walk damn near an eighth of a fucking mile and all they had was some cheesy fucking ratcheting screwdriver set with a bunch of miscellaneous bits and sockets.

I grabbed that motherfucker and headed back out.

By the time I got through fucking around with that it cost me twenty five bucks to change a fucking headlight.

When I finally got the screws out and the retaining ring off the headlight, the whole front lens of the headlight slid off and fell in my hand!

In over thirty years of working on cars, that was a first.

It was still perfectly clean and dry inside it too.

It took damn near an hour to mess around with that before I finally got home.

This from a guy with thousands of dollars worth of tools out in the garage AND a tool bag full of tools sitting on the floor, just for that kind of shit.

I am going out right now and throw that tool bag in the car.

The best part is, I knew that the crack head who had it before me has the High beams on and pointed down because there is a relay fucked up or something, I haven’t really jumped into that yet but the dumb cocksucker CUT THE WIRES behind the headlights, spliced the high beams into the low beams and used WIRE NUTS to hook it back together!


Total face palm moment when I saw that.


I really want to find this fucking idiot and just kick him in the balls. I don’t even want to say anything, just a swift nut shot and let him wonder why.

Now my gas gauge is fucked up again, the speedometer doesn’t work because a screw hole is stripped out and the bezel is pinching the indicator needle and my front left turn signal and the indicator on the dash quit, all because the fucking MORON tried to take the instrument cluster out and fucked up all the wiring and the printed circuit board to the point I had to replace the entire fucking instrument cluster.

I have had wiring problems with this thing since the day I got it and it looked like someone threw a plate of spaghetti in behind the dash because of all the wires hanging down that he had cut.

I know what I am going to be doing all day tomorrow.




4 thoughts on “I Hate It When That Happens

  1. Well…you learned your lesson about carrying tools with you if you drive an older car, but I have another tip.

    Truck stops.

    Excellent place to get shit like a headlight at 0-Dark-30 and you’re no where near a WalMart.

    You’d be amazed at the parts a Pilot or Flying J stocks.

  2. Hey man, good to see your fonts again, it’s been a long time!
    As for the beer, unfortunately, I gave up drinkin’ back in June.
    Just gonna have to tough it out.
    I’m sure I’ll be coming up with some new and improved cuss words though.

    Don’t be such a stranger, eh?

  3. I had a ’55 Willys pickup that had a Chevy 6 in it and had been partially converted to 12-volt by a “home tuner” like the one that did your headlight. If the engine was running and the headlights and wipers were on, you couldn’t shut the engine off even after turning the headlights and wipers off, without putting the front bumper up against something and letting out the clutch. I never did figure that one out and just passed the goodness on to the next lucky owner.

    The windshield wipers worked by cables from a little motor in the center under the dash. One of the cables, which had big cable tightening clamp hanging from it, broke which then a) caused the driver’s side wiper to just lay there, in a snowstorm natch, and b) the cable fell down into the homebrew wiring and caused a light show under the dash you wouldn’t believe, and … no damage done. I got home by driving with my chest on the steering wheel and my left arm out the window to clear the windshield.


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