God damn, this is embarassing .
As you probably know, I have been a mechanic for the last thirty odd years.
Over those years I have accumulated literally tons of tools.
Tons as in thousands of fucking pounds of tools.
I have three full sized Roll Away tool boxes full.
I also have six or seven smaller tool boxes, all full, some of which are too fucking heavy to pick up and walk around with.
I have tools running out my ass, they are everywhere.
It would cost way the fuck over a hundred grand to replace them all.
To go with that, I also have an extensive collection of various fasteners.
Nuts, bolts, screws of every description and miscellaneous shit like hose clamps, etc., etc., etc..
Just last weekend I was working on my Sprite and couldn’t find some special interior screws and a couple of hose clamps I thought I had.
Let me explain that my garage currently looks like a fucking bomb went off and a hurricane came after just to stir it up real good. I haven’t had time to straighten the fucker up since we moved because I have been working so many hours.
Anyway, I went to Ace hardware and spent over a hundred motherfucking dollars on hose clamps, nuts, bolts and other shit to work on this damn car with. I also special ordered fifty fucking dollars worth of those special screws at FIFTY FUCKING CENTS APIECE!
Five little boxes worth.
Today, I am piddle farting around organizing shit out there and The Wife comes out with a broom and a mop and informs me she wants me to put some nails in the sheet rock in a rental house to hang them on.
Uh, no ma’am.
There was a molly screw where she wanted to hang them, except the actual screw was gone.
Now, do you think for one fucking second I could find a screw to fit that sonofabitch in ALL the shit I have out there?
I did find ONE Molly screw in all my crap and thought I was shitting in tall cotton.
I found a small, thin board, stuck a couple of long deck screws in it and drilled a hole for the Molly screw at the top in between them and threw it up on the wall.
This is the condensed version, first I had to sort through all my tools.
I stuck the broom up there and WHOOPSIE!, the fucking thing pivoted on that one screw and the broom fell off and hit me in the forehead.
Now sufficiently motivated, I endeavored to find another Molly screw.
An hour I looked . I dug through every fucking box, bag and junk drawer I have.
Forced to swallow my pride and admit defeat, I head to Bi Mart to obtain some fucking Molly screws.
That’s one punch on my man card.
Grumbling and muttering under my breath I head straight to the hardware section and grab a small box of the fuckers and head to check out.
A whopping dollar fifty one including tax.
I dig in my pocket and come up with fifty eight fucking cents, including a butt load of pennies.
No fucking cash on me.
I had to dig out my debit card for a dollar fifty one.
Punch number two.
To be honest, I probably had that much change in my console but I wasn’t walking back to my car to get it.
So three hours and two nut shots later, my lovely wife can hang her fucking broom up.
I did manage to find another butt load of tools I had been looking for though….
Have a nice day and thanks fer stopping by.