Rip Off Motherfuckers

Oh, you are just going to love this one.

 

So my POS has been way overdue for an oil change and I have been both too busy and too lazy to mess with it.

 

I went and got a haircut this morning and on the way home I remembered to stop by some drive through fucking oil change joint.

At this point these days it is a hell of a lot more expedient to let them fuck with it.

By the time a guy goes and gets all the parts, jacks up the rig, puts down jack stands, buys a  covered drain pan and crawls around on the floor actually changing the oil and then dealing with the dilema of disposing of the oil and filter, it just makes sense to have some flunky do it.

So I pulls into this place and the first thing I hear is I have a brake light out.

 

Yeah yeah, I know.

Pop the hood, exchange info, yadda yadda, just change the fucking oil, OK?

What year, is this the original engine? How many miles.

 

1980 I don’t know, a lot.

Acccording to this, you should have a 305 cid V-8.

Yeah, unless it was built in 79 or someone dumped a 350 in it.

Well, we need to know what filter to use.

 

That should have been my first clue, Chevy used two filters on all their V-8’s for over thirty five years.

One large capacity and one medium.

 

So this guy is trying to schmooze me and trying to be all cool and shit.

I like your shirt. (I am wearing some anti government T shirt).

Then he starts in about what do I think about Obamacare passing and here we fucking go.

 

I just told him not to go there, I don’t have time to go into it.

 

So this other guy is checking all the fluids and talking to the guy down below when I hear this part number going back and forth between them. I ain’t really paying attention.

 

Pretty soon here comes Mr. Cool and he squats down next to the window and starts in with this conspiratorial schmarmy whisper that he hates to tell me this but they need to charge me an extra five dollar premium for this special oil filter.

Umm, excuse me?

What did you just say?

 

Yeah, our supplier doesn’t use the standard filter because of the thread diameter annnnd I quit listening to his bullshit and went off on the guy.

 

You mean to tell me that  an oil filter that has been around for thirty five years and fits literally MILLIONS of engines is now some kind of fucking specialty Item?

Who the fuck do you get your filters from?

 

Some cheezy fucking outfit called Mighty.

.

I told him that I have been wrenching for 30 fucking years and I am calling bullshit when I hear it. By the way, you can tell your corporate whores I said Fuck You very much.

I ain’t paying no five fucking dollar premium on a motherfucking filter that I can damn near buy at a fucking 7-11 because they are so prevalent.

 

Oh boy do I have this fuckers attention now.

Don’t even try and pull that shit on me pal.

 

Well, umm, stutter stutter, I’ll take care of it, we’ll give you a discount… as he tries to walk away.

 

Oh hell no, you aren’t walking away from me fuckhead, get back over here.

 

You’re damn right you are going to give me a fucking discount or I am going to be on the phone to corporate headquarters at eight O five Monday fucking morning reaming some other cocksucker a new asshole.

Now go finish this so I can get the hell out of here.

 

Dirty sonofabitch, still dinged me for an extra 15 mother fucking cents, just to goad me.

 

 

And I quote from the bill;

 

Full service oil change =34.99.

M454 oil filter = 0.00.

Special filter charge = 5.00.

Subtotal = 39.99

Managers discretion-3.00.

Managers discount -1.85.

Taxable parts =35.14.

 

Fifteen fucking cents.

 

Assholes.

I wonder just how many ignorant fucking rubes they jack for that bullshit every week.

That shit adds up.

 

Chalk one up for me though, my bullshit deflector seems to be working just fine.

 

Yeah pal, you betcha I am going to have a nice day now, I feel better already with your asshole dangling off my radio antenna.

Punk assed bitch.

You just got  schooled.

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Rip Off Motherfuckers

  1. Jeez sus it’s only $25 bucks here for a full service. Oh yeah I forget , you live in Californicatea. But even at $35 bucks I ain’t crawling under mine no more. Less I got other ugly things to do under yonder, while I’m there.

  2. Shit, I can waltz right into Wally World and buy that filter (Fram PH35 if I remember right) all day every day for five bucks RETAIL. I bet they ain’t paying 2 bucks a pop for their shitty filters.

  3. This makes me so nervous because I am taking my car to have the oil changed tomorrow–ladies’ day.

    I have another ploy. I would just whip out my cell after the price was jacked up and ask for the corporate number. When employees say they don’t know, i start taking names. They usually manage to find the corporate number really fast. You should have seen the manager at Walmart when I started talking to someone in Arkansas about what was happening. Yes, I dialed the number in my directory when the manager was jerking me around with policy talk. After I talked about the manager with him standing there, handed my cell phone to the manager, he was very nice to me. And, I was two levels above customer service when he got on the phone.

  4. That’s one for the records, Knuckles. We ALL have to step up and do our part in dismantling these corporate asschews while they try and take over the whole f*cking planet. And U DID GOOD. I’m ALLL prouda ya.
    Hey, Maru is takin’ a break and letting me run wild over at her place. Stop in and say Hey. U know I’ve been a forever fan.
    siri

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