Verizon Can Suck My Ass

Ohhhh, this has been coming for a while.

Wait for it.

I originally got a Verizon air card a couple of years ago when I still had a laptop. I’ll be the first to admit I thought it was way cool that I could go any where there was a cell phone signal and get on line. I still think that is cool.

Unfortunately, my lap top took a major shit.

Then I hooked up an old PC and plugged it in and away I went.
Originally, it was like $59 bucks a month, for two years. It started creeping up to, I dunno, $62 a month.
Last year at this time, I was lying flat on my back, so sick I thought I was literally going to die. It took over two months to get over what ever the fuck it was I came down with.
While I was laying here, I entertained my self on the internet.

All of a sudden, I couldn’t get connected.
So I fucked around and I fucked around, trying to figure out what the fuck was wrong.

I finally called the sonsabitches and went through a big hassle of diagnosing the fact that my air card had died.
The little thingy you plug into yer USB port.
By now I am sick AND pissed off.
I drug my sick ass out of bed and went the two blocks down the street to where I bought the motherfucker, to be told it was out of warranty and they don’t sell that shit anymore. Now I AM pissed.
I get directions to the nearest Verizon store and get in my truck and drive fifteen miles away, the whole time my head is spinning and I think I am going to pass out.

I get there and these young little gen X’ers are all over me. I tell them my problem, they tell me the fucker is out of warranty, I explain I already know that.
I tell them I am sick and possibly contagious and the game plan changes immediately.

A new air card is $80. Fine, get one now. Soon enough, I am handing over my debit card and signing a receipt.

Off I go and yadda fucking yadda, I finally get set back up.

What the dirty cocksuckers didn’t bother to tell me, was that they renewed my fucking contract for another two years.
I found this out after I started having problems again last summer and had to call the fuckers again. I wanted to get rid of the bastards then but Oh, Hell no, it was going to cost me another $120.

So I said fuck it and just kept paying them. Next thing I know, my bill has gone up to $72 fucking dollars a month on a $59.99 a month plan!
I bitch but I keep paying.

I am on the internet all the time when I ain’t working or at the club having a few.

Then I lost my job.

This is where it gets interesting.

A month later, I get the $72 bill for the internet.
I’m thinking I can’t afford that shit on unenjoyment so’s I call them up and tell them I want the cheaper plan. The lady tries to talk me out of it, citing I used blah blah blah, so many bites or some fucking thing. I said I can’t afford that shit anymore, so she say’s OK.
Fine. This is after my Girl friend bailed my ass out with these pricks to the tune of damn near a hundred and fifty bucks in September.

Now that I am not working, I spend WAY too much time surfing the net apparently.

My bill, for ONE MONTH , came to $268!!

That is no typo, TWO HUNDRED and SIXTY EIGHT MOTHER FUCKING DOLLARS!!

For one month of internet service.

Gee, ya think maybe I thought there was some kind of mistake?
Oh, HELL NO!
You bet yer ass I called ’em and bitched. The $39.99 service only covers so many blah blah blah bites or some shit and they start adding up at so much per bite when ya go over.

It seems I went WAY the fuck over.
So I called ’em and I threw a complete fit. I realize it isn’t the young lady on the phone that caused my grief and I told her that but God DAMN was I mad!
So I bitched and bitched and bitched some more.
She tried to explain to me how their billing process works and it went clear over my head, I was so pissed.

I handed the phone to my girl friend and she finally figured it out.

Needless to say, I told her to change my plan back immediately.

Seeings how it was still the first week of the month, she said she could do that retroactively and was nice enough to give me a 35% discount on this enormous fucking bill.

Now it is only $195 bucks..
I feel so much better now.

NOT!

Dirty fucking bastards, after the first of the year, I am going to give them their $120 bucks to cancel this fucking contract they extended without telling me and calling those other cocksuckers at ComCast.

I hate those fucking bastards too but I have limited choices in this little podunk town.

At least it won’t be Dial Up.

Dirty fucking bastards, all of ’em.

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13 thoughts on “Verizon Can Suck My Ass

  1. Haha you're just cruising for more bruising if you go and sign up with Comcast or AT&T or some shit. I don't know if CREDO mobile has aircards, but if they do, I'd recommend them. They run on Sprint's network, and Sprint is starting up their 4G network in the D.C. area soon. Plus, they donate to Sierra Club and ACLU and such instead of the Tea Party, like every other cell phone company.

  2. Love your blog and wish I could string together a batch of cuss words the way you do. Am going to start praticing.How about a contest to see who could put the most profanity in a sentence that still makes sense?AT&T sucks big ones too. They raise rates whenever they want and coverage is nonexistant in some parts of this country.

  3. It's like AOL all over again. I finally dropped that after paying who knows how much to spend hours downloading stuff I could get in a minute over any high speed line.Depending where you are, either DSL or internet cable would probably be a better use of your money.

  4. Man Busted you must live in a crappy service area. I've had Verizon up here for a couple of years and they only charge $34 per month for DSL. Of course I am very close to one of their main connection points.

  5. … I have limited choices in this little podunk town.Don't matter where you are. It's the same shit here on Long Island. It's either the cable company or Verizon. Cable owns my ass (phone, internet, TV).

  6. Some of you folks are confusing fixed base isp service with mobile service. Mobile service does cost more.In my business I always get called couple of times a year, at least, by some poor schlep who wants to go over my phone plan to make sure I'm getting the cheapest rates. Something about the phone company calling me up to switch me to a cheaper plan never made sense to me. I finally figured out when they are able to get you to make any change it also renews your contract, hence the regular calls to keep you committed. A year ago I renewed my phone/internet/cell plan and it was due to expire in November of this year. I thought at the time there was no fucking way in hell (does that automatically enter me in the fucking cussing contest?) I'd make it until November. Well, I did, and I'm pulling the plug in two more weeks 'cause my mother fucking pain in the ass (more contest points) commercial property is to close in two weeks. I'm betting when I call Verizon to cancel the service they are going to insist my commitment isn't up. I'm laying in the weeds waiting for that one 'cause I've been very careful to do nothing to renew my commitment.

  7. I don't have a card, but I can handle ATT. I pull out the fact that my parents used Bell South, or whatever it was way back in the 50s, I have had service since 1965, when single, married, and now divorced. I tell them I have never quit them to get a better deal and then allowed them to woo me back with money. I have gotten refunds back 19 months and get deals ALL the time. I have cell, home phone, and DSL Ultra for $104, including taxes. I know this is not what you are talking about, but you must use logic they cannot refute to get what you want. ATT is easy. However, I believe the same handling will work with other service providers.

  8. Thought of you when I read this on Washington Post:* Prepaid mobile-broadband receiver. If you or someone you know need only occasional wireless-data service for a computer, there's no need to sign a contract with a monthly fee. Prepaid services from Sprint's Virgin Mobile, Clear (sold as "Rover"), T-Mobile and others now let you pay only for the data or the time you need, then let the receiver collect dust until the next contingency."Maybe they aren't such ass hats!

  9. Mrs. JP and I have had Verizon since August 31st and the $19.99 deal I thought I was getting turned into $29.99 (+$5 for the modem they know you fucking need) so now we're talking $35.30 every month. Then, on, appropriately, April Fool's Day, it skyrockets up to $65 per month because the introductory deal is just 6 moths long. I tell Mrs. JP every chance I get that come April 1st, we are so fucking incredibly not going to be Verizon's customer anymore. It's bad enough our cell phones are owned by Verizon and they send us stalking text messages at (I shit you not) 3:30 in the morning the nanosecond you get down below $5. They're everywhere in our lives. I think Verizon even did my grandson's fucking circumcision.

  10. OB, try to work ur neighbors. May be u could share some money for them to pay their cable/DSL if they will allow u to hang over their Wi-Fi. All u need is old-timer PCMCIA (laptop) card ($12 a piece) or wireless ethernet card for PCI bus (for desktop, $8-15), and their "secure" key to connect.Or maybe someone has their wireless network "unprotected", so u may piggy-back for free. Just get one of these devices and search for "available wireless networks". If u could find "unsecured" one – jump on.=====================Josie, the Hooked-up One.P.S. There is way of jacking up coaxial Motorola "Surfboard" modem/router. But you have to pay for at least "basic" option for TV.

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