Merry Christmas!

Please lord, make it go away.
Fucking greedy bastards, the advertisements and the decorations showed up before Halloween.
Thanksgiving isn’t until next week for God’s sake.

That alone is a logistical nightmare.
Go to the folks and eat and then fend off a turkey induced coma long enough to drive fifty miles and go to the girl friends parents to fall down on THEIR couch!

Christmas is going to be mean and lean this year.

” Times are tough and I have no job so here is your fucking Christmas card” kind of shit.

I did manage to find enough scratch to go to the local Bi Mart and get a fucking space heater.
We shall see how long this Made In China mother fucker lasts this time, I am saving the fucking receipt.
It ain’t even winter yet and it is already getting cold in the old Weasel Den.

I have the sliding doors to the “bedroom” almost closed, just enough for the fucking cat to squeeze through and the little bastard heater is running hard already. I can’t wait for the power bill.

Off and on, Off and on. Noisy little fucker too.

Not the cat, I have that little bitch trained real good.

She meows twice and I am up and opening the door…. wait, who has who trained?
At least I don’t have to fuck with the god damned cat box much.

It ain’t the heater element or the fan that takes a shit in these things, it’s the cheap assed switches that go to hell all the time. I had my folks get me one of those oil filled radiator heaters for Christmas a couple of years ago and it melted the switch in three months.
Long after anyone knew where in the hell the receipt was. I tore it apart and fixed it once but it burned up again shortly afterwords so I threw the cocksucker out and went and got a mean mother fucker of a propane fired warehouse heater.
Next thing I know, there is black soot all over everything.
Nice and toasty with a case of black lung disease.
I am lucky it didn’t kill me.
Wicked  warm in under three minutes though.

So, Happy fucking holidays, I know damn good and well this isn’t going to be the last time I bitch about this consumer driven horse shit before the first of the year either.

Pass the gravy and shut the fuck up.

Bahh Humbug mother fuckers.

Get your ass outta my chair kid or you won’t live to see Christmas.
Now bring me a beer.

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4 thoughts on “Merry Christmas!

  1. I hear ya, X-mas crap has been out here in my area for about 3 weeks already, it just isn't right. To me it says they expect a real crappy year, Join the club.Morning

  2. When I was a teenager I worked at a place called Santa's Village. That summer I listened to my lifetime supply of Christmas music. Let's face it, there are only about 4 good Christmas songs. The ritual of destroying wealth and creating debt is insane. All the people are insane at Christmas. The craziest thing of all is start the holiday before Thanksgiving. WTF?

  3. Shame on you. You need a beating!Bah humbug my ass. I will have you loving the holidays. You already said you can't wait for Thanksgiving. You will learn to love them being with me. Just forget about the commercial aspect of it. Enjoy the warmth of a decorated home full of love and family, the smell of baked goodies and the taste of good food. I am loving the holidays so much more this year because I have you.I love you and can't wait to share it with you. Smooch.

  4. Happy fuckin' holidays to you too, pal!The Xmas catalogs started arriving in August. They do this with everything these days. The Halloween candy displays started in September. Yeah, like people'r gonna let a bag of candy sit around for a month.I have one of those oil-filled space heaters. When I found out it cost about $30/day to run I quit using it.

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