Some Times, Technology Can Suck My Ass.

Fucking miserable shit.
Fucking cars, fucking Droids, or what ever they call them damn things, fucking Kindle, what ever the hell that is.
And double fuck my girl friends mother fucking stove!

I can cook, some. I certainly ain’t no damn chef, but I can cook.

Except on this mother fucking stove.

It’s bad enough she doesn’t have any fucking cast iron but she has this cock sucking, fucking dirty fucking bastard mother fucking dick sucking piece of shit for a stove, this thing just pisses me the fuck off!

It’s one of those glass top mother fuckers with the burner under neath.
I hate those fuckers.

Ya try to cook something on low, and the dirty mother fucking cock sucking fucking ass hole piece of shit goes from HIGH, to LOW, seemingly randomly, trying to regulate the fucking heat.
Let’s see, Burn it? yep. Turn it off so you can’t figure out what the fuck you are doing? Check.
Now, let’s do this every twenty fucking seconds.

We are either burning shit or trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

Jesus mother fucking Christ.
For those of you who cook, my apologies for the god damdest fucking mess I ever saw that was supposed to be an omellete.

Ya know how the first pancake is always fucked up?
I kinda expected it to be a little messed up.

But no.
This was a godamned fucking disaster and the one behind it was just barely recognizable.
Ya know, I should be in a good mood too.
I won’t describe the intimate pleasures I just experienced before this cluster fuck and now I am a raving maniac, but that is why I have this fucking Blog so you don’t have to see me on Tee Vee or read about me in the fucking paper.
It’s a fucking safety valve.
 Oh boy, am I abusing this valve right now.

Dirty sonofabitch that designed that piece of shit stove needs to have a shovel handle broke off in his ass.
I can’t even eat my own cooking.

Taco Omellete?
Flying monkey poo right now.
Sure, it tastes OK, it just looks hideous and the texture is some where between road kill and the shit you have to scrub off your tub.

I have to stop now.

There is a more pressing matter.

.BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

See ya when I come back up for air.

Maybe.

I didn’t even make toast .

Piece of fucking shit.

That thing is going away and she is getting some fucking cast iron pans.
Fucking aluminum fry pans with that fucking coating on them, pieces of shit, the fucking stove, between the two of them you couldn’t cook a mother fucking possum, let alone a god damn fuckin omellete.

She doesn’t even have a wooden mother fucking spoon.

Now I am cranky.

Beatings are about to be handed out.

16 thoughts on “Some Times, Technology Can Suck My Ass.

  1. I hate those shiny, useless glass topped pieces of shit.Sometimes, tho', even a real-looking stove is techno-fucked. I once bought a new stove with the solid type electric burner like I'd loved in Europe—no place for spills to drop and be a bitch to clean. Got that puppy home and went to make jam. The goddamned pot would not boil for more than one minute. Called Sears. "Oh, that is the 'safety' built in." they said….so it can't get "too hot". So, basically I have a fucking new stove that can't be used to make jam, or can, or anything where you want something FUCKING HOT for more than 45 seconds? I told 'em to come get the piece of shit out of my kitchen and not to even think about charging me a fee for collecting it. Then I cut up my Sears card and bought a Maytag gas stove. Fuck technology sideways. And YES, cast iron RULES this house!You can come cook here, Busted!

  2. "Oh boy, am I abusing this valve right now." – You hairy palmed, idiot. Don't you know abusing that shit will make you go blind?word verification – pusewin. Close enough.

  3. On the stove it sounds like some capacitor discharge function has gone to shit. Likely in the place where the mother chip is, or in the circuit board if there is one . . . . On the cooking well, scrambled omelette is one of MY fav dishes and I do it well.As the the rest? "draws the curtains closed and turns the radio up loud"*G*

  4. Ok, I just GOTTA make a declaration and yes indeed it's based on jealousy.See, it used to be that it was better to have pot in times of no money than it was to have money in times of no pot.Well, we ALL gots less if no money, and the fucking pot's fucking expensive, and I don't for a long time now cuz I get tested for employment.But I'm here to say, and here's where the jealousy comes in, it's better to have good nookie than pot or no money in times of either no pot or no money.What's my fucking point?We're just gonna have to fuck our way thru this mess of shit, and make each other happy that way.N I think Busted N Nasty Gal are a bed or 100 ahead of us. OR a few kitchen counters, living room floors, bathroom in the showers, on the decks at night, over a couch, on the couch, reclining chair, etc.Nice work you two, I call that leadership!!! *G* Holy iunbtertoobz batshit crazy fuck. Password is, I shit U Knot: excitio!!! I can't make that shit up.

  5. Oh, and FUCK TEXAS! (cept for Austin of course, and any bloggers down there in the pit of civil rights hell for those who ain't white or Xtian or rich or anything good). GO GIANTS!!!!!

  6. Not to rain on your parade, Orn, (may I call you Orn?), but you can use cast iron on glass topped stoves. It heats evenly and works like a charm. Your problem is that expensive aluminum pan with the coating. Stuff isn't worth the metal to make it. If the stove is older than about 10 years, though, you can't do anything with it. Only in the last few years have manufacturers made the glass tops able to withstand heavy weights on them – I use my cast iron, make jelly and pressure can on my glass top with no problem.Hope the next omelet improves as much as the fun you're having with NG.

  7. Oh Busted WTF am I going to do with ya? I have one of those glass top stoves and I love it. It is real important that you preheat the pans before you start throwing in your ingredients. Took me a bit coming from a gas stove top but hey cooking is in da blood… make sure you have quality pots and pans otherwise you are starting out with a handicap. "Remember by good tools so ya don't bust yer knuckles". But in this case yer cooking fails.OMFG! What a disaster!!

  8. There is definitely something wrong with the stove top. I hate them too, but have been able to cook on one very successfully. I agree on cast iron being the best, but make sure to buy Lodge. It is made in the USA, in TN right near me. The Taiwan/other cast iron is no good. It has spots that get hotter than other spots. Lodge is expensive, but so is your health and sanity. Besides, you get iron for your body from cooking in cast iron.

  9. I use cast iron exclusively.Fuck those aluminum sonsabitches.I threw the ones I had out, gave them to my neighbor.I have enough that I am going to bring some up here and throw these other mother fuckers away.Sponge Bob Crack Whore used to be a chef and bought a set of Lodge cast iron pans. He didn't like them because they were too heavy.They are now reding in my cupboard and I fucking LOVE them!

  10. You can get non-stick aluminum pots that work, but you gotta get the *heavy* ones, the ones with the anodized coating that are almost as heavy as cast iron. But for skillets and griddles, cast iron all the way, bay-bee. Like most of the other folks here, I have the gen-wine Lodge cast-iron. One I bought about 20 years ago, one my granny bought about 55 years ago, and a couple I bought last year (a griddle and a larger skillet than the first two skillets, the first of which I bought to bake cornbread in and the second of which my granny used for 40 years to fry her morning bacon and eggs in before she passed on and I inherited it). And for those folks who are whining that the flat top electric stoves are great — err, only if you don't care about your food. Deal being, you can't control the friggin' temperature with those things. Glass is an insulator, and you can't overheat it or you'll crack it, combine the two and you got suck. The coil-type electric stoves typically are best at regulating temperature, while the gas stoves are best at quickly heating things up, so they're kinda a tossup between the two.. but the glass-top stoves are just pure suck, sorry, folks.- Badtux the Iron Penguin

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