Or should I say, Fuck Me, I AM blind.
I just got back from an eye exam.
It was way overdue and I have been cheating for several years now by going to the Dollar Store and getting cheap asses spectacals.
What the fuck, they work, ya know?
I have had my eyes checked twice now since I was in junior high school.
The last time was about five or six years ago.
At that time, the lady told me I was getting cataracts and gave me a prescription for the same strength glasses I was wearing that I also paid a whopping dollar for.
What a joke.
So today, they ran me through the gamut, put the drops in my eyes, yadda yadda yadda.
No signs of any fucking cataracts.
That kind of pissed me off even though it was a relief.
Nothing like living with the thought of something as serious as that nibbling away in the back of your mind for nothing.
Cheerful fucking bunch, I gotta give ‘em credit for that.
The one chick who was having me look at frame samples was obviously distracted by something the whole time I was talking to her though.
This is where it got ,interesting, shall I say.
I need bifocals. OK.
I also have to have safety glasses for work.
I don’t want to fuck around with multiple pairs of glasses either.
So she hauls out these boxes of frames, there are hundreds in display cases on the walls, and basically gives me a limited choice of some butt ugly mother, fuckers.
What the fuck ever.
I finally picked out the least hideous set that were some ugly assed tiger striped brown shit. I asked if they came in basic black.
The old,head to shoulder, head to other shoulder Valley Girl Bleach Blonde, “I dunno, I’ll have to go look” answer.
Here we fucking go.
A full five minutes this idiot is gone.
She finally comes back and says no.
What a surprise.
I finally just got some that are smoke colored.
Now the fun part.
Do I want “progressive” lenses.
Glare free coating?
Tapetty tappety on the calculator annnnnd…..
The grand total for one basic ,ugly fucking pair of bifocals with the aforemention accouterments?
That is when I leaned across the table to get her attention and said, “O.K., let’s get serious now”.
“You see these glasses I am wearing? They cost a dollar. They work just fine.
I’m not paying seven hundred and fifty dollars for those glasses, insurance or not”.
The look of cognitive dissonance on her face was quickly followed by shock, disbelief and juuust a flash of anger.
I’ll give her credit though, she recovered quickly.
She did get a little pissy but she said that if I just wanted what the insurance covered without having anything other than the copay come out of my ass pocket then they would be bifocals with the line across and none of the fancy coatings.
“Fine” I says.
What a fucking racket.
With a little help, I can see with 20/20 vision.
In two weeks I will get those ugly motherfuckers and call it good for now.
Later down the line I may change my mind but I just can’t see paying that kind of money for some butt ugly fucking glasses.
I saw Gucci and Calvin Klein frames on display while I was waiting and my asshole puckers just imagining what they charge for that shit!