What Not To Name Your Cat

While I was thinking about Baby and trying to come up with something witty for your reading pleasure, I got to thinking of all the cats I have had over the years, there were several.

I am an Ornery Bastard, always have been and in naming my cats it has always given me great pleasure to give them perfectly awful names.Take my word for it, Baby was the first one you could call and not have people look at you in disgust.

I fondly remember one of my first ones, Black as coal and just as ornery as I am, I got her from the pound and named her Bitch.

I had been working construction, right out of High School, but the job ended and I moved in with my God fearing grandmother in between jobs and the cat caused her a great deal of unhappiness, especially when the varmint crawled under the house and went into heat.Yowling and crying and screaming and moaning,you name it. This went on for a couple days,unknownst by me, I was out partying it up. I finally staggered home to find Granny beside herself. Get that cat, now! We are taking it to the vet and getting it fixed!

Under the house I go on my belly, only to find the poor thing with her front leg stuck through her collar and miserable.
Off to the vet we go. We get there and the lady tells me what a beautiful cat she is and asks me her name. Bitch I say’s. Out of the corner of my eye I see the color drain out of Granny’s face.Mortally embarrassed, she mumbles something about just call her Kitty.

Oh no. it’s Bitch I say.Now Granny’s face is bright red and she is not a happy camper.The receptionist sees Granny’s discomfort and gives me the stink eye.Whatever, I think to myself. We need to get her fixed, I say. Fine. We’ll call you when she is ready to pick up.

All the way home I’m gettin’ the Old School Catholic Granny treatment. You haven’t lived until you’ve had that a few times.

We pick up the varmint a couple days later and all is forgotten, until a couple weeks later.

Granny goes to the Post office to collect the mail one day and I come home to find one seriously pissed off Grandmother.

She says to me, I have NEVER been so embarrassed!

What’s the matter, I ask, making sure I have a clear shot at the door, I ain’t completely stupid.

The vet sent a reminder that YOUR cat needs to come back in and get checked up on.

Yeah, OK.

She flings the reminder card at me and stormed out of the room.

I pick up the thing and turn it over, it was addressed to Bitch, with my Grandmothers last name.

I am so lucky to be alive.

Cross posted at My Favorite Therapod’s, I Am Trex,by special invitation from a neat lady,Margot and posted by Texbetsy, who is also a neat lady. My eternal thanks for even considering me. I am SO humbled. Trex is fuckin’ AWESOME!!